A Girl People Remember-A Special Gift Sophie Has

One of the most incredible things about Sophie is that every where we go every one knows her! they
do not just know her name but they remember her! This is not a new phenomenon it has been going on since she was an infant. I used to be stopped in malls by people asking her age and then remarking how 'huge' she was. I would often see those same people and they would want to come see the 'giant' baby. Please understand that she was in fact completely average size so much so that at six months of age she wore six month clothing. Once when we were in a large Palm Springs Hotel we were walking through the lobby to the pool and every one we passed would  smile and yell, 'Hi Sophie'! she was probably three at the time. This caused Bill and I much concern. How and Why do all the guests at this resort know our kid?  Turns out my mom had taken her to the pool earlier in the day and Sophie made her sure she was acknowledged. I have walked her through schools were she was extremely unhappy and dozens upon dozens of kids have called out Hello to her.
This is both remarkably and terrifying to us.  It is so very scary that she has such a strong desire to connect with people that she just talks to any and everyone! She likes almost all people and does not understand what a stranger is in anyway. She has the innocent trust of someone much younger who thinks all people are good, that they are kind and will help her.  Sadly this is not the world we live in. So Bill and I watch her extra closely, I have eyes on her ALL the time. I do not allow her to go to the next aisle at Target or Ralphs, she can not walk up to the Orthodontist while I park as Emily used to do and forget teenage trips to a movie alone. Like I've written before there is an extra sweetness to this and I know I get to witness things parents of other teens do not. But this is not what I want to write about today. Today I want to talk about good, kind strangers and how there are some very special people out there who truly understand our girl.
Our computer has been acting up and after several minutes of trying to print out the order forms for Sophie's lunch I finally forwarded the email to Bill and asked him to take care of it.  There is no traditional cafeteria at Sophie's school and thanks to some great parent volunteers each year arrangements are made with local eateries to prepare and serve the kids lunch. There are just over 350 children at the school from preschool age on up to the young adults in transition- so I am sure you can guess how difficult it is to feed all those people, many of whom are very particular.  I usually allow Sophie to choose two days a week that she would like to buy lunch and she always picks Pizza day as one of her options. This year Grey Block Pizza has agreed to do 'Pizza day'.  We order the lunches two months at a time. Bill sent Sophie's order into Grey Block today and received the following email in return: Thank you for your order. I just wanted you to know that Sophie does not like a lot of cheese on her pizza so I have been making her pizza without cheese' Bill immediately wrote back thanking her and asking if we need to send additional money for this special order or mark it on the form and she replied, 'Sophie approached me very kindly and asked. She is a wonderful young lady and I am so happy that Grey Block was asked to be a part of feeding the wonderful kids a THG! All children deserve to be treated with respect and kindness' Bill and I both cried happy tears to hear this love and kindness extended to the kids.
I am overjoyed to say this is not the first time a stranger has shown our sweet gal kindness above and beyond her duties.  Every Wednesday my mom and Soph have a dinner date at Islands and of course ALL the employees know Sophie. The hostess greets her by name, the waitresses stop by the table to say hi and look at Sophie's action figures, they all even know her very specific order by heart.
Her favorite waitress is Carolina Last year my mom told Caroline that we were bringing three of Sophie's friends to dinner at Islands for her birthday. Several minutes later Carolina asked my mom if it would be okay if she and the others decorated the side room in a Superhero theme for the party.  I thought perhaps she would put up a few streamers and a poster. Imagine my shock when we walked in and there was a huge backdrop of high rises with colorful BAM, POW'S and WOW'S in bright yellow, like in a comic book. She had candy on the tables, balloons, and streamers. I cried and cried when I saw it. This is a young mother with a toddler of her own yet she stayed up late and cut these foam core boards and decorated for this kid! This kid who just comes in to eat.  The generousosity of her heart blew me away. I am happy to report that Carolina is still Sophie's favorite waitress and sometimes Sophie even asks about her little boy.
While Islands is Sophie's all time favorite place to eat Bill and I tend to get a little tired of it so last summer, on a whim, we decided to take her to one of OUR favorites Truxtons. This is a fantastic place in our neighborhood. We enjoy it so much that most Wednesday nights (our date night) you can find us there. The first time we took Soph she was very apprehensive in fact she cried before we left home because we were not going to Islands. We pushed forward and made our way to Truxtons, as we settled into the booth Sophie clamped her hands over her ears and began to kick the chairs. Uh-oh I thought we have made a huge error! This is going to be awful. In the next moment a pretty blonde appeared to see what we wanted to drink, Sophie's eyes light up and she shyly asked for a coke. Ok, perhaps we could do this. Opening the menu I spotted our next roadblock, they no longer had tortilla soup on the menu! I began to read the list of soups to Soph and at first she whined about the lack of tortilla soup then suddenly the blonde was back with her coke, plunging her hand into her pocket Sophie produced a Sonic action figure and the waitress promptly said 'hey! I love Sonic'! Let the bonding begin!! We found out her name was Brittany and she not only liked Sonic but she offered to bring us a sample of another soup.  As she served us our dinner and refilled our drinks her action figure education was put to the test and she did great!!! We took Sophie back to eat there a couple of months later and luckily Brittany was our server again. Several weeks after that when Bill and I were having dinner there one Wednesday night the manager came over to say hello to us then he told us that Brittany went back to school in Santa Barbara and was no longer working there but that he had a gift for us. When he returned he had a few comic book style books, they were for Sophie from Brittany. She had only met her twice but remembered her.
As I said she is a girl people remember.

Do My Friends Know-the day Sophie found out her diagnosis

On a cool fall day I was laying on the sofa reading a book as the curtains gently blew in the breeze. I could hear the kids laughing, their shoes making a smacking sound as they ran up and down the driveway. Sophie was giggling one moment and then I heard her happiness change to nervousness, I don't know how to do that she said in a softer more embarrassed voice the other kids yelled with glee and shouted You don't know what two plus two is? Quietly I got up and tiptoed to the screen door I stood off to the side where the children couldn't see me. What grade are you in? The tallest boy taunted, Yeah, what grade? his younger brother chimed in. I peaked around the corner and saw Sophie hang her head, she tried to smile and laugh with others but clearly she didn't get the joke. The other girl in the group then began to ask her to spell, right then I'd had enough. I opened the screen and asked what was going on, immediately the kids started to declare how can Sophie not know what grade she is in? Can't she add? Can't she spell? I was angry. So angry at them for teasing her and trying to make her feel badly. I took a deep breath and knew the time had come for me to tell them that Sophie was in fact different.
When Bill and I found out Sophie's diagnosis a part of me knew that one day I would have to have a talk with her and tell her about it but a larger part of me somehow thought that I would never ever have to discuss it with her. As her mommy I figured I would be able to 'protect' her from that news. We would get her into the proper school, the best therapies and love her, there would be no need for her to know the details. How could I be so naïve and unaware? I knew that information gave us choices and power so why wouldn't I want to give that to my daughter? I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want her to feel separate or less than her peers. On the other hand if she was unaware there was a name for her difference, that could make her feel worse. So I stepped out on the porch and called the kids over, I told them that Sophie's brain worked in a unique way that wasn't the same as theirs. I explained that all of us learn differently and that things like math and spelling did not come easily to Sophie but that other things were much easier for her like art and drawing. Most of them began to nod in agreement but the tall boy boastfully announced that he knew about science and the periodic table of elements, at this point I really wanted to pinch him but refrained and started again. 'have any of you ever heard of autism'?
The tall boy, of course, shook his head yes. 'Well, that is what Sophie has. It means she looks at things in a way that you and I do not. She can do things we can't and some of the things we think are simple are more difficult for her'  The girl nodded her head and said, 'Oh. I have heard of that' she skipped off ready to continue playing. Several minutes later as I was taking out the trash Sophie came over to me and whispered into my ear, 'mom, is it true'? yes, I replied 'Oh my gosh! Do the kids at my school know'?  Laughing I said, 'honey all the kids at your school have autism' she looked at me for a long moment, 'Good, because I really like my friends at school'
Is that I how I wanted to tell Sophie about her diagnosis? No. I wanted it to be just right. I wanted to sit with her and talk all about it and what it means and what it doesn't mean but the reality is that I don't even know what it does and does not mean. The reality is that this was the day and time I had to tell her. The reality is that me thinking that we could sit and discuss this is a fantasy in my mind. My daughter would not have wanted to sit and discuss for an hour her diagnosis, she is perfectly happy to know that her friends at school get her and like her and she likes them.
When I have asked her what it is like to have autism her response is always the same, 'it is AWESOME'! That is how she feels and how I feel is that she is AWESOME!