Our Newest New Normal

When I was fourteen the cost to ride the Big Blue Bus of Santa Monica was twenty-five cents. My friend Laura and I would climb on board and ride the entire loop for hours.  We sat in the back and talked, watched the UCLA students get on and off and stuck our arms out the windows as we sailed past the beach. Sometimes we got off in Westwood and saw a movie. On hot summer days we got off at the beach carrying folding chairs and towels down to the water.  I grew up in an era where these things were possible as long as I got home before the street lights came on no one seemed to mind how I spent my days. This was normal.

When Emily was fourteen she had already been to countless slumber parties, gone away to summer camp multiple times and had been a dedicated and self disciplined dancer for seven years. I always knew where and who she was with and made sure she was supervised. She did not have the freedom that I did as a kid but I did not have to accompany her everywhere she and her pack of girlfriends went. When Emily was fifteen she was accepted to Alvin Ailey in New York City for a summer dance intensive. Bill and I sent her. She is a dancer and this was a dream come true.  She took the bus into New York each morning from Hoboken alone. This was a new normal.

Sophie is fourteen. She has never been to a sleepover. She rarely goes to parties. I do not allow her to cross the street alone. It is uncommon for me to even send her to the next aisle of the supermarket. I never imagined that I would still be walking her to the bathroom in public places, talking her down from tantrums in stores or hushing her verbal tics when people begin to stare. I worry much more about people being cruel to her. My heart aches at the thought of kids teasing her or calling her names.   I keep her next to me because this is the newest new normal. This is what is required for a teen who does not understand what and who a stranger is. She does not have the skills to handle money, has no concept of time.  My girl cannot recall telephone numbers. In so many ways she is several years younger than her age.

 I will let you in on a little secret… I love how much time I get to spend with my teen! A typical fourteen year old would seriously balk at their mom holding their hand to cross the street. Few of them would enjoy having their parents walk them into and out of school and even fewer want their moms hanging out at ‘play dates’. I get witness her life. I attend all her extracurricular classes. The mothers of her friends are my pals and support system. These women get what it means to have a child who is different, they understand the unique tired we feel.  I frequently talk to her teachers and coaches.  I get to observe her at dances, meet her boy crushes and be a very active part of her everyday life. This is our newest normal. Yes it gets tiring to go everywhere with her and to constantly have eyes on her but the reward of really sharing her victories is well worth it.