A Girl People Remember-A Special Gift Sophie Has

One of the most incredible things about Sophie is that every where we go every one knows her! they
do not just know her name but they remember her! This is not a new phenomenon it has been going on since she was an infant. I used to be stopped in malls by people asking her age and then remarking how 'huge' she was. I would often see those same people and they would want to come see the 'giant' baby. Please understand that she was in fact completely average size so much so that at six months of age she wore six month clothing. Once when we were in a large Palm Springs Hotel we were walking through the lobby to the pool and every one we passed would  smile and yell, 'Hi Sophie'! she was probably three at the time. This caused Bill and I much concern. How and Why do all the guests at this resort know our kid?  Turns out my mom had taken her to the pool earlier in the day and Sophie made her sure she was acknowledged. I have walked her through schools were she was extremely unhappy and dozens upon dozens of kids have called out Hello to her.
This is both remarkably and terrifying to us.  It is so very scary that she has such a strong desire to connect with people that she just talks to any and everyone! She likes almost all people and does not understand what a stranger is in anyway. She has the innocent trust of someone much younger who thinks all people are good, that they are kind and will help her.  Sadly this is not the world we live in. So Bill and I watch her extra closely, I have eyes on her ALL the time. I do not allow her to go to the next aisle at Target or Ralphs, she can not walk up to the Orthodontist while I park as Emily used to do and forget teenage trips to a movie alone. Like I've written before there is an extra sweetness to this and I know I get to witness things parents of other teens do not. But this is not what I want to write about today. Today I want to talk about good, kind strangers and how there are some very special people out there who truly understand our girl.
Our computer has been acting up and after several minutes of trying to print out the order forms for Sophie's lunch I finally forwarded the email to Bill and asked him to take care of it.  There is no traditional cafeteria at Sophie's school and thanks to some great parent volunteers each year arrangements are made with local eateries to prepare and serve the kids lunch. There are just over 350 children at the school from preschool age on up to the young adults in transition- so I am sure you can guess how difficult it is to feed all those people, many of whom are very particular.  I usually allow Sophie to choose two days a week that she would like to buy lunch and she always picks Pizza day as one of her options. This year Grey Block Pizza has agreed to do 'Pizza day'.  We order the lunches two months at a time. Bill sent Sophie's order into Grey Block today and received the following email in return: Thank you for your order. I just wanted you to know that Sophie does not like a lot of cheese on her pizza so I have been making her pizza without cheese' Bill immediately wrote back thanking her and asking if we need to send additional money for this special order or mark it on the form and she replied, 'Sophie approached me very kindly and asked. She is a wonderful young lady and I am so happy that Grey Block was asked to be a part of feeding the wonderful kids a THG! All children deserve to be treated with respect and kindness' Bill and I both cried happy tears to hear this love and kindness extended to the kids.
I am overjoyed to say this is not the first time a stranger has shown our sweet gal kindness above and beyond her duties.  Every Wednesday my mom and Soph have a dinner date at Islands and of course ALL the employees know Sophie. The hostess greets her by name, the waitresses stop by the table to say hi and look at Sophie's action figures, they all even know her very specific order by heart.
Her favorite waitress is Carolina Last year my mom told Caroline that we were bringing three of Sophie's friends to dinner at Islands for her birthday. Several minutes later Carolina asked my mom if it would be okay if she and the others decorated the side room in a Superhero theme for the party.  I thought perhaps she would put up a few streamers and a poster. Imagine my shock when we walked in and there was a huge backdrop of high rises with colorful BAM, POW'S and WOW'S in bright yellow, like in a comic book. She had candy on the tables, balloons, and streamers. I cried and cried when I saw it. This is a young mother with a toddler of her own yet she stayed up late and cut these foam core boards and decorated for this kid! This kid who just comes in to eat.  The generousosity of her heart blew me away. I am happy to report that Carolina is still Sophie's favorite waitress and sometimes Sophie even asks about her little boy.
While Islands is Sophie's all time favorite place to eat Bill and I tend to get a little tired of it so last summer, on a whim, we decided to take her to one of OUR favorites Truxtons. This is a fantastic place in our neighborhood. We enjoy it so much that most Wednesday nights (our date night) you can find us there. The first time we took Soph she was very apprehensive in fact she cried before we left home because we were not going to Islands. We pushed forward and made our way to Truxtons, as we settled into the booth Sophie clamped her hands over her ears and began to kick the chairs. Uh-oh I thought we have made a huge error! This is going to be awful. In the next moment a pretty blonde appeared to see what we wanted to drink, Sophie's eyes light up and she shyly asked for a coke. Ok, perhaps we could do this. Opening the menu I spotted our next roadblock, they no longer had tortilla soup on the menu! I began to read the list of soups to Soph and at first she whined about the lack of tortilla soup then suddenly the blonde was back with her coke, plunging her hand into her pocket Sophie produced a Sonic action figure and the waitress promptly said 'hey! I love Sonic'! Let the bonding begin!! We found out her name was Brittany and she not only liked Sonic but she offered to bring us a sample of another soup.  As she served us our dinner and refilled our drinks her action figure education was put to the test and she did great!!! We took Sophie back to eat there a couple of months later and luckily Brittany was our server again. Several weeks after that when Bill and I were having dinner there one Wednesday night the manager came over to say hello to us then he told us that Brittany went back to school in Santa Barbara and was no longer working there but that he had a gift for us. When he returned he had a few comic book style books, they were for Sophie from Brittany. She had only met her twice but remembered her.
As I said she is a girl people remember.

What we can't see, Some disaibities aren't visible- post by Bill

I just saw and re-posted a funny cartoon the other day on Face Book of a mom on the phone and someone saying “Really? She doesn’t look like she has Autism?”  The mom replies, “Oh, it’s the way we dress her that hides it” We get this all the time, Sophie doesn’t look autistic? She looks normal Of course most of the time this comes from someone who has only spent 10 minutes with her, or a well meaning friend who has only seen a few times but has never really spent more than an hour or two with her. After an hour or so they start to “notice” something.  I once had a retired school teacher at a party say to me after speaking to Sophie for just a few moments say, your child is….. Odd. Gee thanks!!! Parents L O V E to hear that their child is odd.

 This got me thinking, is not looking disabled enough a disability in itself?  I’m sure we have ALL seen that man or woman get out of a car that has a handicap tag on it and we think, well they look perfectly healthy? They have to be cheating. Lying bastards! They should be ashamed of themselves!  The thing is we do not always know what’s wrong with them. More often than not we would rather judge them then take a moment to ask if they need help.  I know I used to think this way. I say “used to” because since Sophie was diagnosed I try and see the whole picture.  I don’t make up my mind so fast, I take a second to think maybe that person suffers from seizures, has a weak heart, an autoimmune disease or some type of mental issue (of course if they have a mental issue  why are they driving? But that’s another subject) That person could have so many other issues that we don’t know of  because we just look at what’s on the outside and make our decision in a flash.   We need to take a step back and consider all the possibilities and not be so quick to judge or come up with your own conclusion. 

 Aimee points out from time to time how much easier it would be to explain if Sophie had a “visible” disability. Perhaps we wouldn’t get the stares that say wow that kid is a spoiled brat or did you see those terrible parents.  The fact may be that Sophie may have only gotten a few hours of sleep the night before because her medication upset her stomach, her little mind was SO obsessed with something the night before or she is just too stimulated by the loud and noisy crowds.   what you see now isn’t a tantrum or our lack or parenting, it’s her reacting, trying to calm and soothe herself, that is why she is “stimming” or “chirping” uncontrollably, or just basically shutting down and not listening which could look like to many other parents like she is  just not behaving. 

 

If Sophie were blind I am sure people would put out their hands to help her. Mothers would make sure she did not fall. Dads would watch to that she did not wander into traffic. Store clerks would wait more patiently while she counted out her money or took a few extra minutes to make her choices. People would be more understanding.

Sophie is a pretty functional Autistic young lady.  She is, as most of you who know her, the complete OPPOSITE of nonverbal (this is also a topic for another day) but that’s what makes our little Sophie unique and we would never change that.  I guess I wrote this to just point out that what you see isn’t all you get. Take a second to look past what’s in front of you.

 Remember just because a person isn’t blind doesn’t mean they don’t need you to hold out your hand to them from time to time, and just because a person doesn’t “look” handicap doesn’t mean they won’t benefit from you taking time out of your busy day and just giving them a smile.  In fact next time you see someone who may need a smile, think of our Sophie and give them one.