Hygiene- A Daily Struggle

We have just finished eating dinner and I ask Sophie to take her plate to the kitchen sink then in a slightly lower voice I say, it is time for you to take your shower. Her shoulders tense immediately and she screams, NOOOOOOOOO! I don't stink. NOOOOOOO! Thus begins our nightly dance and deal making session. I try, you don't have to wash your hair. She says, I will take a shower tomorrow, just let me skip this one night. She is visibly dirty and I can smell her from the table. I must stay strong I must get this kid clean! To say that getting Sophie into the shower is like trying to thread a needle on a runaway horse is putting mildly. She is never in the mood. This is just one of the many hygiene challenges.
Shower time is just one of the many 'choose your battles' moments I face everyday.  I have learned to turn my head at her wearing the same shorts (and many times the same shirt) multiple days in a row and I have let her go to school more than once with her hair un-groomed those are not hills I am willing to fight on. Showering is just one of the many self care practices we have had trouble with.
Hair washing has been and still is a hit and miss deal. She can stand under the shower and apply the shampoo but scrubbing and rinsing are much more difficult. She is terrified of getting water into her eyes so she holds a wash cloth over them leaving only one hand to get the soap out with. Until 10 months ago she refused to wipe her bottom after a poop, refused! The sensation was just much to overwhelming for her so was called to handle this every single time. By far our biggest challenge has been tooth care! Brushing, flossing.....forget it! She wants zero to do with it. Well yesterday this caught up with her. For the past week she has been complaining about a red, irritated spot on the roof of her mouth.  We thought perhaps it was a scrape due to eating a crunchy chip or a minor rub from her braces. Saturday night she told me it hurt a lot! This was cause for concern she has a very high pain tolerance. When she broke her elbow she cried but after a few moments begged to continue playing- thank goodness for my mommy instinct that heard something slightly off in her cry. After much discussion she finally let Emily touch it with her finger and it was a puffy, filled with something bubble. I took her to the dentist yesterday morning and it is some type of gum (or maybe tooth root) infection. Mommy fail!!!! I feel so badly that what may have begun as a slight irritation has turned into this. I have her go brush her teeth twice a day but she is just not getting it so here we are Bill is now flossing and I am brushing her teeth. As I said to Bill this morning one step forward and two steps back.