“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Sometimes I wake up feeling like Alice in her Wonderland. I have gone to sleep feeling just like myself and in the morning I feel as tiny as Alice after she drank from the bottle labeled 'drink me'. So small that I can barely see through the window into the light of the day. On days such as this even the act of getting dressed seems to huge an undertaking. As dawn breaks Sophie and her demands, appointments, needs and quirks tower over me like Mount Everest.
There are other days when I open my eyes to find I feel like my head could hit the ceiling as Alice's did after she consumed the 'Eat me' cake. I get up ready and able to take on anything. Sophie has three appointments that day, no problem. She is verbally stimming, chirping and repeating- I got this. I can handle the laundry, make dinner and still find time to sit down for a cup of coffee.
This feeling of largeness and smallness is enough to make anyone feel crazy yet we all feel this way at our house. As the cat said, "you must be (mad) or you wouldn't have come here"
Today begins a week off of school for Sophie. In some ways this is a great 'rest' of sorts. There is no rush to get up and get out the door. I can let her sleep in and take our time eating our breakfast. We can lounge on the sofa and watch movies or some of her favorite TV shows. The downside of having no school is that there are endless hours to fill. One moment she wants to color, the next she wants to go knock on the neighbor kids door, then she is crying that she is board. This morning she picked the skin off from around her thumb until it bled saying she is nervous that the behaviorist wont keep her appointment today. It breaks my heart when she does things like that. I can't imagine what torment her little mind must be in.
Then we have days like yesterday. We all went out to celebrate Emily's birthday. Sophie asked to wear a dress, never mind that she doesn't own a dress, her sister found one to lend her. Sophie allowed Em to 'style' her complete with hair, lip gloss and super cool boots. Soph filled her skull bag to the brim with toys and her IPOD then we were good to go. We arrived at the brunch spot and thankfully they sat us quiet'ish area in the back. The meal went off without a hitch, she ate well and was mostly calm. The ultimate moment for me was that she reached out and grabbed Emily's hand and they walked to the car holding hands and chatting. We spent the rest of the day at home just hanging out and ended it watching the Wizard of Oz. Such a typical, lovely Sunday. So very rare in our lives.
I think you can now see why I feel like Alice. The difference is I never know what I am waking up to a drink me day or an eat me day.
Our house is a crazy Wonderland and I am just hanging on and going for the ride.
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