We are All Mad Here-My Life in Wonderland

“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad."
"How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland    
Sometimes I wake up feeling like Alice in her Wonderland. I have gone to sleep feeling just like myself and in the morning I feel as tiny as Alice after she drank from the bottle labeled 'drink me'. So small that I can barely see through the window into the light of the day. On days such as this even the act of getting dressed seems to huge an undertaking. As dawn breaks Sophie and her demands, appointments, needs and quirks tower over me like Mount Everest. 
There are other days when I open my eyes to find I  feel like my head could hit the ceiling as Alice's did after she consumed the 'Eat me' cake. I get up ready and able to take on anything. Sophie has three appointments that day, no problem. She is verbally stimming, chirping and repeating- I got this. I can handle the laundry, make dinner and still find time to sit down for a cup of coffee.
This feeling of largeness and smallness is enough to make anyone feel crazy yet we all feel this way at our house. As the cat said, "you must be (mad) or you wouldn't have come here"
Today begins a week off of school for Sophie. In some ways this is a great 'rest' of sorts. There is no rush to get up and get out the door. I can let her sleep in and take our time eating our breakfast. We can lounge on the sofa and watch movies or some of her favorite TV shows. The downside of having no school is that there are endless hours to fill. One moment she wants to color, the next she wants to go knock on the neighbor kids door, then she is crying that she is board. This morning she picked the skin off from around her thumb until it bled saying she is nervous that the behaviorist wont keep her appointment today. It breaks my heart when she does things like that. I can't imagine what torment her little mind must be in.
Then we have days like yesterday. We all went out to celebrate Emily's birthday. Sophie asked to wear a dress, never mind that she doesn't own a dress, her sister found one to lend her. Sophie allowed Em to 'style' her complete with hair, lip gloss and super cool boots. Soph filled her skull bag to the brim with toys and her IPOD then we were good to go. We arrived at the brunch spot and thankfully they sat us quiet'ish area in the back. The meal went off without a hitch, she ate well and was mostly calm. The ultimate moment for me was that she reached out and grabbed Emily's hand and they walked to the car holding hands and chatting. We spent the rest of the day at home just hanging out and ended it watching the Wizard of Oz. Such a typical, lovely Sunday. So very rare in our lives.
I think you can now see why I feel like Alice. The difference is I never know what I am waking up to a drink me day or an eat me day.
Our house is a crazy Wonderland and I am just hanging on and going for the ride.

Verbal vs. Conversation- What this means to us Post by Aimee

Sophie is definitely verbal.
So verbal that there are days I wish she had a touch of laryngitis just so there would be periods of silence throughout the day. She is pretty much talking or making noises from the moment she wakes up until she falls asleep. I know that there are so many parents of ASD kids that long for their child to utter one word and I feel for them. I can't imagine the pain they must be in, waiting to hear their kid utter a simple mom or dad.
Allow me to be clear there is a difference between verbal and conversational. Sophie is not conversational. She does not comprehend that to converse one person speaks, asks a question or makes a statement then person B will answer the question or comment on the statement. What Sophie does is ask questions many, many questions. she does not wait for you to answer she demands that you answer. here is a sample of the daily types of questions I am asked; Are you a girl? Is Ebbie a dog? Is it morning? Can I have chips? Can I bite the dog? Where is dad? Where is Emily? Can I have chips? Can I lick the dog? Where is dad? Is Ebbie a dog? on and on it goes. Now I understand that these are not unreasonable questions but when I am asked them several dozen times a day I get a bit worn out. After the questions come what I call verbal tics. These can be anything from high pitched squeaks or yells to curse words. This usually lasts from several minutes to an hour or more. Then we move on to the rigorous practice of her asking me to repeat what ever word or sound has struck her fancy that day. If I refuse or ask her to say it herself I am treated to more verbal tics or a popular round of whining and why don't you love me? The term for ASD individuals repeating is called echolalia and it is not uncommon. Let me tell you it gets extremely tiring. There have been times when I've thought to myself, oh great now she has Tourettes syndrome on top of everything else, but I believe this is just her preferred way to stim. She will answer questions and I can get information from her but there are no mother daughter chats or heart to heart talks. This is frustrating for both of us, she has always had a desire to connect to people and just does not the skills to do that. As for me I miss just sitting with my teen and hearing about her dreams, fears and sharing our family's history with her. Emily and I had so many opportunities do this as I drove her to and from dance classes, to friends house's or to school. I am very lucky and grateful that I had the chance to experience this with Em as I know many other parents who never get the chance. Sophie and I have had to find a way to have this closeness without the benefit of conversing in the traditional sense. I know she is wanting that intimacy when she sits next to me and sniffs my arm or hair, when she allows me to rub her arm or leg and mostly when she asks for a hug.......as I am holding her and relishing in the quiet moment she says mom! say po-nut!